What Emmett ponders
by Beckah-lynn
Summary: Emmett Cullen has a very vivid imagination. The littlest things will put ideas in his head. So what kind of things do we find out when he decides to voice these things? His frist quesstion is "What are tampons used for?" read for a good laugh.
1. Where do babies come from?

Emmett's questions

**Just for fun. This is just a bunch of random things Emmett suggest doing or questions he asks, and the responses he receives.**

**Q: Where do babies come from?**

**Rose's answer: Emmett what are you five? **

**Jasper's answer: Well Emmett when two people love each other very much…**

**Alice's answer: sex**

**Edward: Emmett? Please I'm fairly sure you already know this.**

**Bella: *blushes***

**Carlisle: well, let's go in my office I think its time for that talk.**

**Esme: *slaps Emmett* Emmett, what are you trying to get at.**

**Emmett POV**

I was innocently watching TV one afternoon, when a show came on at first I thought it was horror movie. I mean there was so much screaming it was a little scary. Then finally I got enough courage to look at the screen and what I saw was something I didn't want to see on anybody but Rosalie. "Ahhh" I screamed "what kind of movie is this? Is it even rated pg13? Its terribly turn it of turn It off." I sat rocking back and fourth on the couch when Rosalie came in.

"Emmett what is it, what did you see?" she asked half annoyed and a little worried. Not worried about me being scared just worried that I was going crazy.

I pointed at the TV. "What are they doing?" I whispered. A moment of silence went by. I looked up at Rose waiting for an answer. Her eyes glared at me hatefully.

"Emmett is this some find of sick joke?" she nearly screamed at me.

I stared at her dumbly. "What?" I managed to say, "I…I…I just wanted to know what they were doing on TV." I whispered.

"Emmett, she's having a baby, you big idiot!" Rosalie screamed. I guess that explains why she was so mad, but still I don't get it where did they come from?

"No, way there was so much screaming." I argued, Rosalie just rolled her eyes and pointed at the screen. Now on the screen was a smiling lady holding a very ugly looking pink thing. By looking at the light in Rosalie's eyes it must have been a baby. Why would he want one of those it looked so ugly. Now I just wonder, where did that thing come from?

"Rosalie, where do babies come from?" I asked innocently.

She looked at me annoyance showed all over her face, I just gave her a sweet smile and waited for my answer.

"Emmett what are you 5?" she asked I shook my head and stared still waiting for an answer. "They come from the stork." She flipped her hair and walked out of the room.

"What did I do?" i asked to no one really. I sadly walked out of the room, I had a question and I was going to get an answer to it no matter what it took.

"Hey Jasper!" I said enthusiastically. "I gotta question."

Jasper rolled his eyes, "I'm afraid to ask what it is." He smiled, he felt my confusion and he was beginning to feel a little confused also, I could tell. We stood there a minute, and I waited patiently for him to ask what my question was but he never did.

"Well, don't you want to know what my question is?" I asked.

'No, not really" he replied, I stared at him feeling as sad as I could, "Fine go ahead,"

"Where do babies come from?" I asked then smiled sweetly for some affect.

I got a completely different response from him than I had from rose. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing. Gasping from breath, He laughed for about five minutes and finally was able to stand up, but was still laughing. I didn't see what was so funny at all but he apparently did.

"What is so funny? I really want to know!" I whined then stomped my foot on the ground for an added affect.

"Well, Emmett when two people love each other very much…"he paused to let out more laughter. I was getting quite annoyed all I wanted was a simple answer.

"Sex, Emmett." Alice stated matter of factly, 'Babies will come if you have sex, unless you're a vampire, or you use protection."

"What!" there was no way that could be possible? Something so fun could lead to something so ugly, "Nuh-uh."

"Yeah huh just ask Carlisle, he's a doctor he will know." Alice said pushing me towards Carlisle. Jasper left the room still trying not to laugh unaccountably.

"Hey, Carlisle Emmett wants to know where babies come from." Alice said almost like she was tattling on me for something I didn't do.

Just like jasper he laughed, "That's funny he said looking up from his paper work then walked out of the room muttering to himself.

Fine if no one down here will answer me surely Bella will answer me. I don't get why everyone finds this so funny I really wants to know. I wonder if Edward even knows…hmm.

"Heey Bella where do babies come from?" I asked in a serious tone so she would know not to laugh.

"What?" she asked she was the first person who didn't laugh, but her face did turn extremely red.

"Emmett? Please I'm fairly sure you already know this." Edward said smugly. "You and rose do it quite a lot. We are extremely lucky you aren't human or we would have many little Emmetts running every where. There horror." Then both he and Bella began to laugh. I was getting tired of everyone laughing so I decided to ask Esme I am sure she wouldn't laugh at me.

"Esme, I have a very serious question." I stated I little depressed because I had been laughed at so much today. I was really hoping she wouldn't laugh and I would get my question answered finally.

"Well go ahead sweetheart." She smiled sweetly and waited for my question.

"Where do babies come from? Her eyes opened wide, and I felt something hard hit me. "Owww, what was that for?"

"Emmett, what are you trying to say here…hmm? I think its time you have _that_ talk with Carlisle." She answered firmly. She may have hit me but at least she didn't laugh at me. After she finished Carlisle walked in the room.

"Well, let's go in my office I think its time for that talk." He smiled.

"What talk?" I asked.

"The sex" talk I heard Alice, Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, and even Bella yell down to me.

Oh, that talk? No way, eww gross not with Carlisle he's like my dad. "NO, I don't want the talk! I don't want to know where babies come from! Someone help!" I screamed

**Well I hope you enjoyed this! I had fun writing it. Please review it. I promise I will return the favor. Yeah this was so fun to write. If you have any ideas I will happily put them in my story and give you lots of credit!**

**Becka**


	2. dishwashing liquid made with real lemons

Well here it is the next chapter of What Emmett ponders. Please enjoy. Then review Flames are welcome to. Just don't be total jerks :)

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. DUH

**Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?**

"Bella, I'm going hunting." I stood outside Edwards's door; today was going to be fun. "Which means I am leaving you here with Jasper, and forgive me, Emmett." Edward finished explaining to Bella. Yes, today would be oh so fun. Bella would see she likes hanging out with me much, more than Edward.

"I'll be right back, just excuse me for one minute." I heard him whisper in Bella's ear I assumed because I heard her heart rate quicken. Edward slammed the door almost puling if off the hinges.

"Hey, careful with my doors up there." Esme yelled.

"Sorry, Esme," I yelled, "Edward is having a little hissy fit, but I'll keep him under control for you."

"Emmett," Edward snarled, "I am leaving Bella here with you and Jasper against my better judgment, and I swear if there is even one scratch on her body not even Rosalie will be able to save you. You got that?"

"Whoa, lil' bro calm down," I laughed, why did he have to be so serious about anything that involved Bella. I wonder if it annoyed her as much as it annoyed me. "She will be perfectly safe with me, and Jasper." I smiled. "Have fun hunting."

"I'll be back tomorrow, and Emmett I swear if anything happens I blame it all on you." Edward stared at me his eyes were coal black.

"Edward, go on everyone is waiting for you, and you _need_ to hunt. I don't want you attacking precious little breakable Bella or anything." I hurriedly pushed him down the steps to the rest of the waiting family.

"Emmett, what are you up to?"

"Oh, nothing my dear brother, I'm quite offended that you would think that." I put my hand of my heart to for affect.

"Never the less I think I want to talk to Jasper before I leave."

Yes of course he would want to talk to Jasper, but I don't believe Jasper will ruin my fun at all. No I have some rope that will keep even the strongest vampire tied up. Rosalie keeps it for special occasions.

"Emmett, don't you even think about touching my rope." Rosalie whispered in my ear. How did she do that?

"Aww, babe you ruin all the fun."

"Who would you use it on Jasper," she laughed, "or on the little human Bella?" She snarled.

"Jasper of course." I laughed. When I said that Jasper ran down the steps look of fear and disgust on his face.

"Whoa I think I'm going to go hunting," he yelled, 'Because when people threaten the rope on me I leave."

"No, Jasper you have to stay," Edward said, "You have to make sure Emmett doesn't kill Bella or anything."

"Fine I will stay as long as HE, "He paused and pointed his finger at me in case everyone didn't already know, "stays away from Rosalie's rope. I don't even want that thing to touch me after you two have used if for…" he shivered.

"You know you want it Jasper." I said walking up beside him.

"Get it away." Jasper yelled.

"Emmett, you will calm down now." Esme warned, "Oh and when I come back I expect this house to look the way I left it. That means doors still attached to the wall, and the window unbroken."

"Yes, ma'am" I saluted her.

"Hey, I don't appreciate that." Jasper shouted at me. I just stuck my tongue out.

"Don't forget to do the dishes." Esme added.

"Why can't Bella?" I whined "she is the one that uses them."

"Just do it Emmett." Carlisle said before leaving.

I stood still for about 5 minutes; I wanted to make sure they were out of hearing distance before I decided what I was going to do. I couldn't hear them talking so I that probably meant they couldn't hear me. Now it was time for the real fun to begin.

"Oh, Bella." I said just loud enough for her to walk out the door to hear me

"What Emmett?" she asked.

"Do you wanna have some fun today?"

'It depends, what do consider fun?" she asked me, "Just so you know I have Edward on speed dial, and he will be back here in a second. Then I don't think you are going to like that rope of Rosalie's very much."

"Whoa, Bells calm down it has nothing to do with you." I was up by her side in a second,

"We are gonna mess with jasper." I whispered so I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me.

"No, way," she squealed, "what are you going to do.

"Well _we_," I emphasized the word we because if I went down for this prank then she was going down with me. "Are going to first tie him up with Rose's special rope then we will…" Just then Jasper

"Emmett if you even touch me with that rope I will rip you limb form limb and burn you piece by piece. Trust me no one will even try to stop me, got it." H e looked at Bella,

"hey it lunch time I think, are you hungry?"

"yes, very." She smiled and walked downstairs.

"Ohh, I want to make her lunch." I ran downstairs ahead of them. When Bella finally got down the steps I instructed her to sit at the table and stay away. I was going to make her peanut butter and jelly, and lemonade to drink.

"Watch him like a hawk" I heard her whisper to Jasper.

"Hey, I'm right here I heard that?" I started making her sandwich. Then I went to find that cool powdery stuff to make the lemonade. I was reading the directions and it said it was made with artificial flavor. I didn't think that sounded very healthy. I knew Esme had dishwashing stuff that that was lemon so I found it. It sounded healthier because it was made with real lemons. I added that to water and handed Bella, the glass.

She ate the sandwich quickly, but when she took a drink of her lemonade she could barley get it down.

"Emmett, what is this" she yelled.

"Lemonade" I replied sweetly.

"Well it is the worst lemonade I had ever tasted." She said to me.

"Bella, it's not that big of a glass. Please just drink it." Jasper pleaded, "You don't know how much he will complain if you don't."

"Fine." She replied, and then quickly began to chug the lemonade. Her face was so funny to watch. I thought at one point her face actually turned green.

"I think I am going to be…_hiccup_…" when she hiccupped bubbles came out.

"Emmett, why is Bella hiccupping bubbles?" Jasper asked me sternly.

"Umm." I don't know?" why did it matter? This was way funnier than anything I wanted to do to Jasper.

"Emmett, what did you put in her lemonade?" Jasper asked me he wanted to scream, but he was keeping calm. "Emmett, what was in it?"

"I used dishwashing liquid." What was so wrong with that?

"What Emmett why would you do that?"

"Well the lemonade was made with artificial flavor, and the, the other stuff, was made with real lemons. Now come on bro what sounds healthier?" it's quite obvious, I bet I sound smart now.

"Emmett, that stuff is toxic.

"Oh" maybe it wasn't such a good idea to do that. "I'll call Carlisle."

**Well I hope you like this chapter. Please review.**


	3. What are tampons used for?

**This chapter was written thanks to ****reader13lovesbooks**** and her wonderfully funny idea. I hope you enjoy.**

**I don't own**

**Q: What are tampons used for?**

**Rosalie: Here I'll just show you.**

**Jasper: Umm, I think that is something you should ask one of the girls.**

**Alice: Well Em they would be what your wife uses to substitute you.**

**Bella: *blushes* Emmett, once again maybe you should talk to Carlisle about that one.**

**Edward: There is no way I am answering anymore of your questions.**

**Carlisle: Emmett I don't believe you need to know this.**

**Esme: Talk to Carlisle, again**

Well I am bored. Wonder w hat there is to do around here.

"Emmett, I swear if you come within 10 feet of Bella, I will kill you this time." Edward yelled. Why is it every time I am bored I get threatened?

"To bad for you bro, I am already dead. Not so threatening now are you?" that will teach him, I don't see why he always has to threaten me, why can't he suspect Rosalie, I mean she is the one that hates Bella. Well I am still bored. I think I am going to raid Bella's things.

Wows look at all this boring stuff. Tooth brush, socks, other clothes, Chap Stick…oh what is this. I pulled out a blue box.

"EMMETT! What the heck are you doing in my stuff?" Oh shoot I thought her an Edward left, might as well have some fun before Edward comes after me.

"Bella, what is this?" she looked up from the floor

"What is what," she paused. "Oh those" I nodded letting her know I wanted an answer, "they are umm," her face blushed oh this is going to be good. "welllugghtheyaretampons." She said in a whisper that I could barely hear, then of course her face blushed the brightest red ever.

"What are they for?" I asked innocently.

"Emmett, once again maybe you should talk to Carlisle about that one." Why were people always telling me to talk to Carlisle? This time I wasn't going to I would find out from someone else.

"Oh, Edward"

"There is no way I am answering anymore of your questions."

"Aww come one why not?"

"I shouldn't even talk to you after what happened with Bella and the bubbles. Yeah remember that?"

"haha you answered one of my questions."

"Emmett. You truly are an idiot." What? Why was everyone in this house always so mean to me? Not everything is always my fault.

"Nope, only most the time." Edward laughed.

"Edward you're a freakin' jerk." Haha loser didn't see that one coming.

"A jerk that can read your mind." He answered then left the room. He didn't even say goodbye see I told you he's a jerk.

"Hey Jasper, what are tampons for?" he seemed disturbed by that question, so I knew when I found out my answer it was going to be good.

"Umm, I think that is something you should ask one of the girls."  
"I already asked Bella, but she wont answer me."

"Just ask some one else." Esme is mature maybe she will answer me.

"Hey Esme, what are tampons…"

"Emmett maybe you should just go talk to Carlisle again, ok sweetie"

"I will not ask Carlisle." It wasn't fair everyone seemed to know the answer so why won't they tell me. These are important life lessons I need to know.

"What won't Emmett ask me?" Carlisle asked walking in the kitchen that we don't need.

"well dear he is cursios and wants to know what tampons are used for." Esme stated trying to hold back laughter.

"well," Carlisle started laugh, "Emmett I don't believe you need to know this."

"fine if you all won't help me ill ask someone else."

"You don that son." Oh I will I will do just that. I can ask alice she will tell me I know she will.

I found Alice in her room with Jasper, when I walked in they said they were just "talking" I'm sure.

"Hey Alice what are tampons used for." When I asked that she busted out laughing. She laughed for 3 minutes straight.

"Well Emmett they are what Rosalie uses when you don't satisfy her."

"What?"

"No, Alice." Jasper said, "You know she would need something bigger to satisfy her."

"Your rite jasper," well that doesn't seem like a very good thing "Of course humans don't use them for that."

Still none answered my question, so I guess I just have to ask Rosalie myself.

"Rosalie, what are tampons used for." She still was a little upset with about the whole rope issue, so it might have been a bad idea to ask her.

She disappeard for a few minutes then returned with something in her hand.

"Come here babe and I'll show you." I nodded and walked towards her, maybe she wasn't mad at me after all.

"You ready?"

"Yeah….OWWWW! DANG ROSALIE WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT…"

"That's for messing with my rope when I told you not to."

That was quite painful, and I'm not even going to say what she did.

**Hope you liked the story. I wrote it in a hurry, and I wil leave it up to your imagination to decide what she did to Emmett. What I pictured is quit funny though.**

**As always please review =] **


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